Have you ever worked in a place where small, seemingly insignificant actions left you feeling uneasy? Subtle unkind actions can have a big impact on employees’ feelings of safety and satisfaction. Kindness in the workplace is the foundation of a healthy, inclusive environment. As I recently learned from writer and researcher Julian Stodd, the difference between being “nice” and being “kind” can make or break team cohesion.
Nice vs. Kind
A few months ago, I had the honor of participating in one of Julian Stodd’s cohorts where he explored the idea that in a leadership or team context kindness is a stronger and more effective approach than being nice. He explains that niceness can be superficial, focusing on maintaining harmony and avoiding conflict, while kindness involves genuine care, which sometimes means making difficult decisions or having difficult conversations for the well-being of others and the organization. Kindness demands honesty, vulnerability, and courage, particularly when addressing issues of fairness and challenging behaviors.
Stodd explains that kindness fosters trust and strong team dynamics by addressing problems constructively, rather than avoiding them. In contrast, being “nice” may smooth things over temporarily but can allow harmful behaviors to persist unchecked. In essence, being kind is about building a culture of openness and respect, where leaders take responsibility for the well-being of their teams by engaging meaningfully and addressing issues head-on, rather than simply trying to sweep problems under the rug with niceties. Kindness helps to create healthy, inclusive work environments. A crucial element of creating positive environments is being able to identify and mitigate negative behavior.
Understanding Negative Behavior
Understanding and addressing negative behaviors—whether they manifest as micro-aggressions, toxic behaviors, or more severe forms like bullying or harassment—is critical to maintaining a workplace where everyone can thrive. When negative behaviors accumulate, they can slowly erode trust and cooperation. Toxic behavior in the workplace can be subtle and difficult to spot.
Leaders should be aware of micro-aggressions, which are small, often unintentional, actions or comments that convey bias or prejudice. They can take the form of backhanded compliments, dismissive comments, or jokes at someone else’s expense. While they may seem minor in isolation, when left unchecked, micro-aggressions can accumulate. Recently, ansrsource JEDI (Justice, Equity, Diversity, Inclusion) Master Vani Narayana used the example of a mosquito bite to describe micro-aggressions. One bite is a little irritating. Repeated mosquito bites become painful and disturbing.
Let’s look at the differences in the levels of negative behaviors:
- Toxic behaviors are actions that erode trust and damage the team’s dynamics. This could be a leader who consistently avoids conflict resolution (perhaps under the guise of being “nice”) or someone who communicates through subtle put-downs.
- Bullying is persistent, targeted actions intended to harm or humiliate an individual. Examples include constant interruptions during meetings or belittling someone’s contributions.
- Harassment is severe behavior tied to race, gender, or other legally protected characteristics, creating a hostile or discriminatory environment.
Addressing Negative Behavior: Leadership
Leadership has a responsibility to be actively aware of the workplace dynamics and to address negative behaviors early. As the leader, you model the behaviors that your team members deliver.
- Walk the talk. Leaders set the tone for the workplace. When you consistently show respect, fairness, transparency, and kindness, others will follow. Encourage a culture where collaboration and empathy are the standard. A great phrase to remember is: “Leadership is what you reward and what you tolerate.”
- Be a safe space. Encourage team members to speak up if they experience or witness toxic behavior. This can be facilitated through anonymous feedback systems, regular one-on-one check-ins, or even employee surveys. The goal is to create an environment where team members feel safe to report concerns without fear of retaliation.
- Educate your team members. Provide training to help your team recognize micro-aggressions and other subtle behaviors that, even if unintentional, can be harmful. Building awareness is the first step toward creating a more inclusive environment.
- Act quickly. If you see or hear about potential problems, investigate and address them promptly. Toxic behaviors left unchecked can evolve into larger issues like bullying or harassment, which are harder to resolve and have more significant consequences for the individuals and the organization.
- Provide additional help. Offering access to Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) or mental health resources can help employees cope with the stress that toxic behaviors create. By supporting mental well-being, you reinforce your commitment to a healthy workplace.
When micro-aggressions, bullying, or harassment occur, act decisively. By recognizing toxic behaviors early, leaders can build and strengthen trust within the team. Offering training, creating safe spaces for reporting, and providing access to mental health resources all contribute to a more inclusive and healthy work environment. Look at these as opportunities to highlight and address expectations that will lead to higher productivity, higher engagement, and more autonomous job performance.
Addressing Negative Behavior: Individuals
Leaders must act to foster an environment of trust and accountability. But what can individuals do when they experience toxic behaviors directly? If you feel something is off, it’s important to trust yourself. Don’t let the discomfort of confrontation keep you silent. Your voice is your strongest tool. By documenting your experiences and raising concerns, you not only protect yourself but contribute to a healthier work environment for everyone.
Here are some things you can and should do:
- Document, document, document. Keep a record of the behavior you are experiencing. Note the time, date, and specifics of each incident. Use these to reflect on patterns of behavior and provide evidence if needed.
- Trust yourself. If you feel that something is not right, trust your instincts. Bullying often thrives in environments where individuals are made to feel that their experiences aren’t valid. If it feels wrong, it likely is!
- Speak up. If you are experiencing bullying, don’t be afraid to raise the issue with your manager or HR. A supportive leader will take your concerns seriously and investigate the situation. Bring these concerns to light before they escalate into something more harmful. If your leader is not a safe space, speak with a mentor or other trusted person.
- Use the resources available to you. You are not in this alone. Many organizations offer confidential resources, such as EAPs, to help employees navigate workplace challenges. If you are unsure about approaching your leader directly, these programs can provide guidance and support.
Nurturing Healthy Workplaces
At the end of the day, nurturing a healthy, inclusive workplace is about creating an environment where every individual feels valued and empowered to do their best work. Leaders who are proactive, empathetic, and responsive build stronger teams and set a solid foundation for a culture of mutual respect and care.
If you are a leader, remember that even small actions can have a significant impact. By listening, providing resources, and leading by example, you can help create a workplace where trust and collaboration flourish. If you are an individual navigating workplace challenges, know that your voice matters. By trusting yourself, documenting your experiences, and seeking support, you contribute to a culture of accountability and growth.
Let’s commit to creating workplaces where kindness drives our actions. Whether you are leading a team or navigating workplace challenges, your choices can shape a more inclusive and supportive environment.
